Alice in Wonderland
by Shnorkel
Summary: This is from Addie's point of view, her life up to meeting Derek, dating Derek, her marriage, her divorce, up to her reconciliation with the love of her life during a traumatic event. It follows her up bringing and background. She is called back to Seattle after the shooting and Derek suffers from memory loss, drawing them closer together. Rated K for now, may move up to M.
1. Chapter 1

Alice in Wonderland.

DISCLAMIER: I do not own anything, yada yada yada, I am just an aspiring writer with a filthy mind who ships Addek like, so hard.

Addison, Derek, Naomi, Sam, Bizzy, Archer, The Captain, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, everything else, pretty much belongs to the devil. (Shonda Rhimes & ABC studios)

DESCRIPTION: This is from Addie's point of view, her life up to meeting Derek, dating Derek, her marriage, her divorce, up to her reconciliation with the love of her life during a traumatic event.

NOTE: I want to thank Amandine, she is such an amazing writer and she gave me the inspiration to write this piece, without her, this piece of work that I am amazingly proud of, would not exist. So thank you, Chica! This was a reply to her roleplay starter and there may be a link up soon so that you can see Derek's point of view of which she beautifully wrote. I would also like to thank Serena and Dee for proof reading. X

Let me know what you think and if I should continue this. (:

_Written by Shnorkel._

At just a few weeks old, Addison spent the majority of her time in the care of a nanny. Growing up, Addison did not get much time with her mother or father, she went through many different nannies and was always lead to believe that when a nanny left, it was her fault some how. That she had drove them away. Addison was a beautiful child. Right from birth, she was always being complimented on her beautiful features. So unique. However she didn't always have such red hair. At birth, little Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery, was born with a full head of pitch black hair, thick and wavy. Her hair was always so thick and long, by the time she was five months old, the hair had lightened to a softer brown colour, still as thick as ever, and long. By the time Addison reached around fifteen months of age, her hair was of a nice auburn colour. It was beautiful and by then, clearly red. As she aged, it continued to lighten and brighten to the vibrant, beautiful red it was that college day she met the love of her life.

Addison was brought up in a family that had a lot of money, she was brought up to be everything a proper girl should be. She was smart, polite, quiet, obedient. She was told that children were to be seen, not heard. But Addison did not want this upbringing, not that her tiny little brain knew any difference. For her, this was life. Life was being disciplined. It was barely seeing her mother. Never having her elbows on the table, always having her clothes ironed and her shoes polished. Brushing her teeth three times a day and never getting in the way of adults. That was life.

By only the age of five, Addison was covering for her father when he cheated on Bizzy. After school, she was to sit in the lobby down the hall from his office whilst he screwed the woman of the week. She was a good girl though, always the proper Forbes-Montgomery. She sat quietly and never disturbed the adults around her. She done her home work all by herself. She never complained of being tired or sore, or hungry or thirsty. She was old enough to take herself to the bathroom and to work the water fountain for a drink, she knew never to touch the red lever because it produced boiling water, the blue lever produced cool water. She knew to wait until tea time for food, otherwise she would wreck her dinner. Though sometimes at home, Archer would sneak her a biscuit or two if she was really hungry.

Bizzy did not believe in letting her children watch cartoons, if somebody had told Addison that she resembled Ariel, the Disney mermaid princess, she would simply smile and act polite about it, but inside, she would have no idea what they were talking about. She would only know what a mermaid was, from a book. But that kind of reading was not really encouraged either. If Addison wanted entertainment, she had a whole room full of toys and educational books. None of that cartoon or fiction nonsense. As Bizzy called it. Bizzy referred to a lot of things during her childhood as nonsense. Addison and Archer got used to it.

"Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery!" Addison heard the shrill voice of her mother calling for her from the bathroom where she had just finished braiding her long, wavy, red hair. Her long, slender legs quickly ran out of the bathroom, her polished, shiny, black leather shoes, tapped along the hard wooden floors as she carried her eight year old self down the huge stair case. Her stomach was in knots as she dreaded to know what she had done wrong know. Big green eyes were wide as she stopped at the bottom of the steps to see her mother holding up her favourite book. Alice in Wonderland. "What is this rubbish?" Bizzy had exclaimed, gesturing to the book, of which everybody knew was full of imagination and fiction. Addison swallowed roughly and tilted her head to the side a little, her tiny fingers nervously playing with the hem of her favourite, silky, purple dress. "Alice in Wonderland." She spoke in a hushed tone, knowing that her mother did not agree at all. "It's nonsense, Addison, where on Earth did you get this from?" Bizzy spoke in a raised voice. "If you want to read, there are thousands of books in your room that do not contain rubbish to fill that head of yours with nonsense!" Addison chewed on her thin bottom lip, her feet lightly scuffing along the floor nervously. "Archie gave it to me." She spoke softly, and was quickly corrected. "Archer." Bizzy was not a fan of nicknames, if she had wanted to name him Archie, she would have done so, but no, his name was Archer.

By eleven, Addison was very independent and knew exactly what to expect from her family. She was used to it. She knew her boundaries, she knew how far she could push people, or which buttons to press. The Captain would often take herself and Archer out sailing and she loved it. She loved being out in the open waters, where for miles, there was just water. She felt free. It was such an amazing feeling. Addison loved to be able to get onto that ship, to help her father and her brother. To feel important, needed.

Addison was a top student. She studied hard, done her work, concentrated in class, took extensive notes. She did what she had to do. For several reasons. She wanted to be a surgeon, as just a child, she knew what she wanted to be. Another reason, she wanted to make her parents proud. She tried to do whatever she could to make them proud. She never heard those words though. Was never told how proud they were of her. But, yet, she still continued to try.

Addison learned that the one true friend she had, was her big brother Archer, he was always there for her, always looking out for her, sticking up for her. When they were little they would often go on bike rides together. He would tease her about being so slow and careful. Addison was always the responsible and careful one. Always thinking about the consequences of their actions and what could happen. One day, she decided she wasn't going to be so careful. After all, Archer rode very fast every time and nothing ever happened to him. Of coarse though, knowing Addison's luck, the one time she attempted to copy her big brother and ride as fast as him, she fell. She fell off her bike, tumbling down the hill and grazing her hands, knees, face. But Archer was there. Her one friend. Her big brother. He rode back to her, jumping off of his bike and scooping up the tiny bundle of his baby sister. He cradled her close to his chest as she cried in pain, complaining to Archer about how much it hurt. He whispered soothing words and promises as he ran all the way home with her. It was a memory that would stick with her forever. A memory that to this day Archer would deny, because he was such an ass. But she remembered, and she would never forget. He had carried her all the way home, cleaned up her blood and grazes and seen to every scratch and sore. He made it better. He was her big brother. Always looking out for her.

Through out her until life, there had only ever been one boy, one man, who was ever there for her, showed her love, affection, cared for her, snuck her things they knew she wasn't allowed. Read her stories, let her imagine, to dream. Archer. By high school, there were definitely more boys, but they only wanted one thing. They wanted what was between her legs. Archer scared the majority of them away though, but that was if Addison didn't already scare them away. Addison was responsible, she was smart. She was waiting. She did not fall into the peer pressure or the society's screwed up vision of how teenage girls were meant to be. She was Addison. She was an individual, and nobody took that from her, nobody made her think differently. Well, it wasn't entirely by choice that she remained a virgin. Addison was a complete band geek, playing the clarinet, she had braces, and a lisp. But most teenage boys could look past that for a lay. Some couldn't. Either way. She wasn't giving it up.

By graduation, most of the girls in the school had lost their virginity, but not Addison. She took Skippy Gold to prom and it was dreadful. He spent the entire night talking about Star Wars and getting food stuck in his braces. Addison also had braces, but she took direct measures to be certain she never had food stuck in them. She felt obliged to see the night through with Skippy Gold. Dancing when he wanted to dance, mingling when he wanted to mingle, eating when he wanted to eat. And then by the time the night was over and they were heading home in their limo. He made the move on her. His skimpy little hands, sliding along her forever long thigh that was beautifully exposed by her red dress that settled just above her knee, his bony hand slipping beneath the soft fabric. She stiffened. Her hand coming to settle upon his and brush it away. "Skippy, no." She spoke softly. It was definitely not happening. He sighed heavily, he had really thought he was going to be getting lucky tonight. No such luck. Addison remained a virgin. Not that it would be very obvious by the time she reached med school.

By med school, Addison had lost the lisp, she had filled out, growing into her beautiful body figure and her long red hair. She still didn't have friends, she was going through med school alone. Though there was one girl in her class, Naomi, she was nice, she sometimes sat next to Addison and helped her. They would sometimes chat or study together in the library. And there was Sam, who always tagged along with them. She got the vibe that he had the hots for Naomi. She was so pretty. Addison always wondered why she sat next to her. But she was grateful for the company. It turned out that it was Addison, that Sam had the hots for. They had become good friends, the three of them and Sam asked her out. She knew Naomi really liked Sam and Addison wasn't going to jeopardise her only friendship, so she turned him down and steered him towards Naomi.

She remembered the best day of med school. The day she met Derek, and Mark of coarse. She had been dragged out to a party by Sam and Naomi. Naomi had helped her with her hair and make up and chose a dress for her that Addison of coarse, secretly always wanted to wear but never had anywhere to where it to. Addison was the type to study, not to party. In fact, it was the first party she had ever really been to. Besides the ones that Bizzy held at home in Connecticut. But those weren't parties for children and she was to be on her best behaviour at all times.

Addison made her way through the room, her long, luscious, red curls, tumbling down her back and over her shoulders. Her feet were encased in beautiful black pumps, her long legs disappearing beneath a silk, short medium blue dress that hugged her figure in every right way, ending just above the knee. The dress was low cut, but not too low to give out too much cleavage. Not that she had that much. But she had enough to get men to stop and stare. She gracefully placed herself on a stool, crossing one leg over the other and leaning forward to order a Fruit Tingle. A girly drink of coarse.

That was when he heard his voice. She had heard many voices introducing themselves, all men that she had turned down. A lot of college men just wanted one thing. The one thing Addison was not willing to give out. She looked up, her green eyes landing on his blue and she smiled, her lips parting to reveal her purple braces. "Addison. Addison Forbes Montgomery." She introduced herself. Derek Christopher Shepherd. That was his name. It was scribbled all over her note books, surrounded by hearts and words of obsession. He had her number. She had his. He called her, they spoke, they hung out. She found out he was doing Neuro. She was doing Neonatal. They hit it off from that evening and were almost inseparable from that moment on.

They got married. She was Addison Shepherd. And now it wasn't just Archer looking out for her. It wasn't just him that picked her up when she fell, kissed her boo-boos or told her she was beautiful when she thought otherwise. It wasn't Archer who gave her everything she wanted or straightened her up. It wasn't him who helped her out or made her smile, or lit up her world when everything was dark. It was Derek. It was this one man. The love of her life. The man she had given everything to. For once in her crazy, whirl wind, roller-coaster of a life, for once, everything was perfect. She was a surgeon, he was a surgeon. He was her husband, she was his wife. She was his. He was hers. They belonged together and everybody knew it. He had shared her pains, seen her at some of her worsts.

Her mother didn't like him. But his mother didn't like her either. Derek swore she was wrong, that his mother didn't not like her. But Addison was not stupid, she knew that Carolyn did not like her. Derek just wouldn't admit it. She would never forget that Hot dog Thanksgiving when Addison had almost killed Derek's sister, Nancy with food poisoning. It was all Derek's fault. Making her agree to cater for thanksgiving. She couldn't cook anything, let alone a turkey. Derek knew this. But no. She had to cook this turkey that she had no idea of how to cook. And Nancy had ended up with food poisoning. That certainly did not help her to get into the good books with Carolyn. Derek had swept in like the hero, and saved the day once again. When the whole mess was his fault in the first place.

Their marriage seemed perfect, and it was for the first part of it. Until Derek was always busy, always working, always sending Mark in his place. It was always Mark. At all of her functions, all of her fundraiser or fancy dinners, at all of the parties she hosted or was invited to. It was Mark on her arm. Not Derek. Not her husband, the one who should have been there, proudly showing off his wife and bragging about his married life with the love of his life. It was Mark. Every time.

Before long, Addison had given up on trying to get Derek's attention. To convince him to stay home, to stay in bed all day and make love to her. She had stopped wearing her fancy perfume or doing her make up especially for him. She had stopped wearing her sexy nighties to bed or making sure she was clean shaven for him. She stopped worrying about what he thought or which dress he would like most. She stopped staying up for him at night or waking up early for him. She stopped.

She was pushed closer and closer to Mark, until that dreadful night when she was caught in bed with him by her husband. It all seemed to play in slow motion. One minute, Addison was straddling Mark, moaning his name as he pounded up into her, giving her the pleasure and the release that her husband had failed to provide. That her husband should have been providing. Not Mark. She threw her head back in pleasure, her long red hair tussled and messed from Mark's rough hands and their hard movements. That was when she caught sight of her husbands departing form. "Oh shit." She had muttered, clambering off of Mark, collecting her shirt and tugging it on, followed by her panties which she tugged on whilst chasing after her husband's form. "Derek, wait. Derek, please." She pleaded with him. But she had done the unthinkable. She had cheated, she was unfaithful to her husband and now he had every right to walk out. Heck, he had every right to throw her out.

In what seemed like a split second, Derek had a huge armful of her expensive designer clothes. Her clothes that meant a lot to her. Addison was a fashionable woman and she loved her clothes. "Derek, Derek, what are you doing? My clothes. Derek, what are you doing with my clothes!" These clothes, the majority of them, were paid for by Derek, by his long hours of working and never being home. And soon enough the front door was tugged open to reveal a mass of rain and thunder clouds as her clothes were angrily thrown out into the storm. Followed by their owner, as Addison was physically removed from the Brownstone and into the rain, where she pleaded to be let back in, as she was rained upon and her palms hit against the cold glass windows of the front door, her body pressed against the hard wood. Derek gave in and let her back in. By now, Addison had backed herself up against the wall, in just a t-shirt and panties, her mascara and eye liner running and pooling beneath her eyes in big runny black smudges as her tears, now black from the make up, trickled down her pale cheeks. Her red hair messed and drenched from the rain. This was not the night their marriage ended. It had ended a long time ago. This was just the event that made them fall apart.

He left for Seattle. She stayed. She tried to work things out with Mark, but it wasn't meant to be. He was not the one. Derek was. He always was. He was the love of her life. Addison dyed her hair blonde. She tried to look past the infidelity. She fell pregnant. She considered keeping it. But she had an abortion. This was not the way things should have been. She wanted Derek. She wanted her husband. So when Richard called and asked for her expertise. She was on the next plane to Seattle. After getting her hair colour back of coarse.

They tried. She fought for Derek. She won over Meredith and they tried. They really tried to get their marriage to work. Well Addison tried. Derek just seemed to try to hurt her. To make her feel the pain that she made him feel. It was like he wasn't trying, but instead, had just taken her back so that he could torture her some more. She could tell, this was not what he wanted. He wanted Meredith. Not her. Not an adulterous satanic bitch. He told her himself, Meredith was not a fling, he was in love with her and it didn't go away just because he chose her. She couldn't believe she was hearing those words come from her husband. And it did hurt. If he was trying to hurt her, if that was his goal, his game, he won. He won. She filed for a divorce, delivering the papers to him personally. And before she knew it. She was just Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery again.

She was lost. She could barely get up in the morning. She ate to ease the pain, she ate to ease future pain. She ate anything she could get her hands on because eating cured her pain and made her feel better. Eating would hopefully make her gloriously fat and immune to the attraction of men to avoid being heart broken ever again. But she had the metabolism of an athlete and it was nearly impossible for her to get fat. So instead, she moved to Los Angeles. Santa Monica. She joined a private practice owned by her best friends Sam and Naomi. She became their OB and found a life on the beach, with sun, waves and sand and a whole lot of zen. She was so zen. Okay, so she wasn't always zen. Her life was hectic, she did surgeries and she helped women and babies and families and she dealt with ups and downs in her romantic life. If you could even call it that. She made friends. For once in her life. She had friends. Addison had always been a bit of a loner. But she had a friends. She had Sam, Naomi, Violet, Cooper, Dell, Charlotte. She had Amelia. She hadn't seen Amelia in years. Of coarse she still called the young Shepherd her baby sister and they were still as close as they always had been. Life was slowly starting to get back on track for her. But Derek was her husband, they were married for twelve years, had been dating even longer, known each other even longer than that. It wasn't something she could just get over. She would never be over it. He was a huge part of her life. But she had to move on, because he had. She couldn't dwell. She was a WASP. She was a Forbes Montgomery. A classy woman. A proper woman. She was not meant to dwell. She was meant to collect what pride she had left and move on.

But then she got the call. Derek had been shot. Her stomach jumped into her throat, her heart sinking into her stomach. Derek. Her Derek. No. He wasn't hers anymore. He was Meredith's. Meredith Grey. She was his wife now. His post it wife, or whatever. The main point here, was that Derek Christopher Shepherd had been shot. He was alive. And he was asking for her. Addison was on the next flight to Seattle. Dropping everything for Derek. Again. Like so many times during her marriage. He wasn't meant to have that hold over her any more. He was meant to stay in his tiny little box. He was supposed to stay there. He was supposed to not effect her life so much any more. But here she was. In Seattle. Rushing through the familiar halls and seeing the familiar blurs of scrubs and the familiar scents and sights. Her heels clicking loudly against the linoleum floor as she rushed through to Derek's room. Her long red curls, bounced as she skidded to a stop outside of his room, her hand taking a hold of the cold metal door handle and pushing it down, opening the door inwardly and slowly peeking in. She sucked in a deep breath, her green eyes scanning the room before she nervously stepped inside and closed the door behind her, smoothing down her expensive, designer dress. It was blue. Like the one she wore the evening they met. It was silk, ending just above her knee, with a modest scoop neck. She released her held breath slowly and she pursed her lips together. Derek had asked for her. For her. Why on Earth was he asking for her? But of coarse, Derek called and she came running at the drop of a hat. Because he was Derek. And she was Addison. And they were Addison-and-Derek.


	2. Chapter 2

**Alice in Wonderland**

_Chapter Two._

**NOTE:** Thank you to those who reviewed, I hope I can do this story justice with a chapter two. Keep reviewing and telling me what you think and if I should continue. Sorry it's such a short chapter.

Meredith's slender hands were once again shirked from where she tried to stroke Derek's dark, messy curls. "Get away from me, don't touch me." Derek spoke weakly. He would move away from her if it weren't for the aching pain in the side of his stomach. "Derek, please." Meredith begged with him, her eyes dull and red rimmed from the tears and trauma of seeing her post-it husband being shot. Addison's perfect features were overcome with a frown, her thin lips pressed together in concern as she watched the scene play out in front of her. "Stop it, just stay away from me, you're not my wife! I want Addison! Where is she!" Addison swallowed the lump in her throat, placing down her designer handbag on the near by hospital table before stepping further into the room. "Derek.." She spoke softly, her familiar voice wafting comfortingly to Derek's ears. She moved closer, into his view and Derek visibly relaxed. "Addie.." She moved to sit on the edge of the bed, very careful not to jostle him, or hurt him. "Hey." She spoke softly, reaching out her hand as he quickly took it in his larger, stronger one, squeezing it softly.

Derek may not have been her husband anymore, but seeing him hurt like this still pained her to no end. Of coarse she had never gotten over Derek, she simply moved on. Meredith stood back as she watched her husband looking at his ex-wife the way he was meant to be looking at her. She knew that after the shooting, the fall, he had awoken thinking it was 2003 again. Thinking he and Addison were still married, that she was his wife. She knew that this was medical, but it didn't hurt any less, she felt her heart tearing, breaking. It was almost like replaying the time Addison arrived in Seattle and tore them apart when she didn't even know that Derek was married. Only this time, it was worse. Derek was not fighting anything; he did not know any difference, in his mind, the affair between Addison and Mark hadn't even happened yet. In his mind, he was madly in love with his wife, Addison. Only Addison wasn't his wife anymore. Meredith was.

Derek raised Addison's slender hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles, earning a curious look from the red head. This was strange to her; she had not been informed of his condition, just that he was stable. "God I love you Addie." He breathed out against her knuckles, knocking the breath out of the tall red headed surgeon, and knocking the life out of Meredith. Her eyes stung with even more tears and she brought the back of her hand to her nose, trying to keep her tears and emotions at bay, but it was too much. She could not stay and be supportive when Derek didn't even acknowledge her, didn't know who she was. She turned swiftly and headed straight out of the door, rushing as fast as her slim legs would take her, down the long, wide, hospital corridors and to the nearest on call room. Meredith slammed the door closed and slid the lock into place. Turning her back against the solid wood door, she slid down slowly onto her bottom, her legs folded up and her knees against her chest. She dropped her head to her knees, her long, mousy blonde hair, splaying over her face and legs as she released her tears, letting herself let go and just hurt.

Addison was very smart, she was very clued on and so of coarse she had very quickly picked up on the fact that something was not right, and she had a pretty good idea that it had something to do with Derek's memory. Something had happened during the shooting and now Derek was living in the past. "I'll be right back." She promised Derek, offering him a kind smile that calmed him when she stood and released his hand. She was going in search of answers.

When Addison found the doctor seeing to Derek's case, she found out that during the shooting, not only had the trauma taken a huge toll on his body, but also the fall he took had created a head trauma. He had been put into a brief coma and it was quickly discovered that damage had been done to two parts of his brain. The Temporal Lobe and the Hippocampus. Thus, affecting his memories.

Addison sucked in a deep and shaky breath, licking her lips and running her fingers through her long red hair. This information was a lot to take in. Derek was living in the year 2003. He believed they were still married, that they were still in New York. That they were happy. He didn't know who Meredith was or that he was meant to be in love with her. He did not know that Addison had cheated with his best friend or that it was in fact the year 2012.

This meant that it was up to Addison to help him to remember. To break the news to him, to try and get him to believe. Because the first step to his recovery was believing her. It was going to be a very long road, and it would be very hard and challenging. But they were still Addison-And-Derek and so Addison was going to give it her all. Addison never backed down from a fight and she was going to fight for Derek's memories.

The idea of being his wife again was appealing, the way he had looked at her, the way he used to, when they were happy and in love. She missed it. It hurt not only Meredith, but Addison too. Because now she was going to lose the love of her life all over again.


End file.
